Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
