Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
