oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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