yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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