I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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