clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
