Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
