In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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