Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
and you fell through a lawn chair
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
