broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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