She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
