Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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