Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
