i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
