so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Alive.
So much puke
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
