people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
