I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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