but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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