hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
