remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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