She said her name was "party"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
