oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
