Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
