So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
