If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
