it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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