Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
