i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
