I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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