she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
