..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
