The best revenge is premature balding
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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