Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
