when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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