So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
