I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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