he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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