can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
