Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
