Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
