Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
