my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
