The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
