My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
