you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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