i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
