I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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