He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
