I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He felt like a one man threesome
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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