Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
