everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
