I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
